The devastating effects of Hurricane Katrina are a grim reminder of the tragedy from four years ago. We stand in solidarity with the victims and families still suffering and struggling to grasp the enormity of their loss. We reach out our hands in support of them as so many did for us in the aftermath of 9/11.

We encourage you to read a recent article written by Dr. Robin Goodman containing some tips and strategies for coping with the anniversary weekend (see below). Whether your time will be spent at Ground Zero attending VOICES' events, or at home reflecting, we wish you well. As always, if we can be of any assistance to you please do not hesitate to contact us.

Warm Regards,

By Robin F. Goodman, Ph.D.
VOICES Director of Family Programs

Introduction

One of the most challenging aspects of the tragic attacks on September 11th has been the added burden of managing so private an experience in the midst of such public exposure. There are many places, activities, and days throughout the year that are personally significant; a favorite restaurant, a religious holiday, a birth, a first day of college. But on the anniversary of September 11th , victims, survivors, family members, friends, rescue workers, and all those having a deep connection to the tragedy are bombarded with public reminders of that life changing day.

Just as individuals were different in their pre September 11th experiences, they continue to have their own unique thoughts, feelings, and reactions to what happened on that day. Those who were directly impacted by the events in New York, Washington, and Pennsylvania have often likely felt different or out of step with those who were not involved. And on the anniversary, they may feel even more distant and separate from others. Even those who have found a new and comfortable place in their life may realize that painful memories of the day still burn strongly at certain moments. There is no correct way to feel or handle the anniversary. Rather the goal is to discover the best way for you and your family to mark – or simply get through - the anniversary of what is still a terrible and unimaginable tragedy.

Things to consider when planning and managing the anniversary of September 11th

• Think anew and plan ahead: Each anniversary is a new anniversary. The first one is very different from the fourth which will be very different from the tenth. Many things change as time goes by. It can be useful to take a look back at how previous anniversaries were handled. Think about what was helpful, what did not work, and any new ideas for the day. You may want to preserve some rituals, abandon others, or try out something different.

• Reflect on the memorial aspect of the day. The anniversary of a traumatic event can be filled with unpleasant and painful reminders. But it may also be a time to access, embrace, and share precious positive memories about a loved one who died.

• Respect one another, allow for differences, and work together: Different family members may have different reactions, styles, and preferences. Be open to everyone’s wishes while being reasonable about what is possible. Some people prefer to connect with others who went through the same experience and attend public events, whereas others may want to avoid large commemorative gatherings. Family members wishing to go their separate ways should make room for others’ ideas and find ways to accommodate each other.

• Have appropriate expectations: The day can stir up a variety of emotions and “anniversary reactions”, or a re-experiencing of original thoughts and feelings. Do not be surprised if certain feelings recur or even if new ones arise. Well intended or unaware friends and family, for whom September 11th has become more of a distant memory, may have expected or advised others to “get on with life.” But individuals have their own timetable when on the complex journey of trauma and grief.

• Be generous and gentle with yourself and others: Give yourself and others permission to experience whatever feelings surface. Be mindful of what is personally calming, restorative, or meaningful and find ways to engage in even small purposeful activities; such as time alone, a visit to a burial site, coffee with a close friend, exercise, journaling etc. Individuals should pay attention to what particular strengths contribute to their resilience.

• Involve others: Think about your wider network of support. Consider how to discuss and involve friends, family, and co-workers in the anniversary. Support is an extremely necessary and helpful part of the ongoing and lifelong coping process. Enlisting others suggestions, time, energy – for car pooling, listening, dog sitting, accompaniment to an event – also allows the other person to experience the gift of helping.

• Consider special needs of children: Planning and discussion varies depending on the age, personality, and September 11th experience of a child or teen. Parents may need to plan for children with a wide range of ages and reactions – some needing their usual routine, some wanting to be with friends, and some wanting to stay close to familiar family members. Parents with school age children should also check in with school personnel to discuss any special needs, notify staff of any concerns, make any particular arrangements, and find out how the anniversary is handled. And always keep in mind that children look to the adults around them for a model of how to manage difficult times and feelings.

• Encourage open communication and look ahead: It can be important to take stock of where different family and friends are now in their lives. Talking about the anniversary may also provide an opportunity for open and honest discussion about the original event, different feelings about the people who were affected and died, and hopes and dreams for the future.

Go through your calendar now, and put a reminder on it – every six months – to review your plan, update numbers, and check supplies to be sure nothing has expired, spoiled, or changed. Also remember to practice your tornado, fire escape or other disaster plans.

Tip Seven
September 7th - Is school in or out when disaster strikes?
http://www.ready.gov/work_school.html
http://www.fema.gov/areyouready/getting_informed.shtm

Check your child’s school Web site or call the office to request a copy of the school’s emergency plan. Keep a copy at home and work or other places where you spend a lot of your time and make sure the school’s plan is incorporated into your family’s emergency plan.

Also, learn about the disaster plans at your workplace or other places where you and your family spend time.

Teach your children how and when to call 9-1-1 or your local Emergency Medical Services number for help. Post these and other emergency telephone numbers by telephones.

Practice – Conduct fire drills and practice evacuating your home twice a year. Drive your planned evacuation route and plot alternate routes on a map in case main road are blocked or gridlocked. Practice earthquake and tornado drills at home, school and work. Commit a weekend to update telephone numbers, emergency supplies and review your plan with everyone.

A community working together during an emergency makes sense.
Talk to your neighbors about how you can work together during an emergency.
Find out if anyone has specialized equipment like a power generator, or expertise such as medical knowledge, that might help in a crisis.
Decide who will check on elderly or disabled neighbors.
Make back-up plans for children in case you can’t get home in an emergency.
Sharing plans and communicating in advance is a good strategy.